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She was alarmed at how little her husband Gianfrancesco packed for the trip, leaving behind his best scarlet and black lucco, which he wore for every business and political meeting. Sheppard looked fixedly at him, as if she would penetrate the gloomy depth of his soul. He leaned towards her as though anxious to see more of her face than that faint delicate profile gleaming like marble in the uncertain light. “Michelle, don’t do this. ‘That is good. And in reality even that magic garden-close resolves itself into a villa at Morningside Park and my father being more and more cross and overbearing at meals—and a general feeling of insecurity and futility. Men had tried to kiss her— unshaven derelicts, some of them terrible—but she had always managed to escape. A girl—at my age—is grown-up. The spirit I drink may be poison,—it may kill me,—perhaps it is killing me:—but so would hunger, cold, misery,—so would my own thoughts. Why can’t you let it be?’ Gerald grinned at him. I know I am undeserving of your bounty; but if I were to tell you what hardships I have undergone—to what frightful extremities I have been reduced—and to what infamy I have submitted, to earn a scanty subsistence for this child's sake, —if you could feel what it is to stand alone in the world as I do, bereft of all who have ever loved me, and shunned by all who have ever known me, except the worthless and the wretched,—if you knew (and Heaven grant you may be spared the knowledge!) how much affliction sharpens love, and how much more dear to me my child has become for every sacrifice I have made for him,—if you were told all this, you would, I am sure, pity rather than reproach me, because I cannot at once consent to a separation, which I feel would break my heart. I do not think that you will dare to marry anybody else.
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